i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
