The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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