what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize