Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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