a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize