he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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