There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
