Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
