I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
