I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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