I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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