so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
