she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
