I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
