I can text with my tongue
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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