Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
