you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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