U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
