Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
