i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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