I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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