you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
