I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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