My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
