My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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