...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So many bounce houses so little time
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
