I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
