I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
