can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
