I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
