i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
