I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
