so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
