I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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