I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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