I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
