you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
