Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
