One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
