Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We are two peas in an std pod
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Randomize
