If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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