and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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