You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
