That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
