Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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