what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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