im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
