i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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