There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
