I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
