Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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