i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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