I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I FOUND THE LEGS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
