Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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