I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize