we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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