I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
