She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
