dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
