I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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