Sry I called you an 8
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
