what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
