You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
