Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
