you traded sex for a burrito?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
