god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
