I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
