We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
