The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
