Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
