I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize