I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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