I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
