I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh god it's open bar.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
