I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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