Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize