You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
