just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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