god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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