Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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