I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
