OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
