Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
